Vodka, A pyromaniac, and A Maid's Outfit
by blackrogue123
Summary: What do you get when you mix alcohol, Axel, and a French Maid's outfit? The best series of pranks in the history of the worlds, of course! Roxamine pairing inside.
1. Chapter 1: A Maid suit and Vodka

Notes: Alright, this was originally a fic I had in mind for April Fools day, but I never got around to writing it until now…so, yeah…. I hope you like it!

* * *

"Axel? Axel, are you alright?" The Flurry of the Dancing Flames heard as he let out a loud moan. His head felt like it was going to split.

"Roxas, that you?" the red head as he slowly opened his eyes to see Roxas standing over him with a look of concern and…something else that he couldn't quite place his finger on. Being a nobody did make trying to judge the emotional states of other people rather difficult…

"Um, yeah, it's me…" Roxas started nervously. Something was really fishy about his attitude…

"Roxas, I have the- OH! He's awake?" a feminine voice cried out. The sound of foot falls was heard as Namine appeared, holding an ice pack. "Uh, hi, Axel," she said nervously.

Namine and Axel were barely acquaintances; she just happened to be the girl that Roxas hung out with…a lot.

As Namine placed the ice pack on Axel's forehead in order to dull the pain of his headache his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "All right you two, what happened?" Axel demanded as he shifted from his position on the couch that Roxas and Namine had apparently laid him upon. "And no lies, I want the truth…got it memorized?"

Roxas and Namine exchanged Nervous glances before The Key of Destiny sighed. "Erm, Axel, I need you to stay clam…and don't look down until I tell you to, okay?"

Naturally, telling someone not to do something is basically a surefire way of getting them to do it. Ignoring Roxas's warning, Axel shifted his eyes down towards his body, for some reason his organization coat felt abnormally tight, especially in the area of the chest…

"AGGGGH! WHAT THE FU-?!" Axel literally screamed in rage as he jumped five feet into the air and landed on his feet next to the couch, summoning his chakram as he did so. He wasn't able to finish his rather violent exclamation as Roxas managed to plaster his hand over Axel's mouth before he could sat the queen-mother of all dirty words.

"…I tried to warn you…." Roxas started regretfully as he lowered his hand from the redhead's mouth. The only reason Axel didn't remove his arms from his body was because of their best friendship.

"What…the…hell…happened…?" Axel asked through clenched teeth. Of all things, he was wearing, God forbid, a French Maid outfit, complete with fishnet stockings.

"Well, we don't know for sure…" Namine started as she reached down past Axel and towards the couch that he had been laying on about thirty seconds ago. "…But we found this next to you in the hallway where you was laying unconscious."

Axel rudely snatched what appeared to be a vodka bottle from Namine's hand, causing her to recoil out of fright and reflex. Usually, whenever someone moved their hand that quickly toward her, it was to give her a beating to "keep her in line".

Granted, it was mainly Marluxia who did that kind of stuff, but that was all Namine needed to develop her reflex…

"…That bastard!" Axel yelled he squeezed the empty vodka bottle, causing it to shatter into over a dozen fragments. A yellow sticky note fell to the floor; it had been attached to the back of the bottle.

"To Axel, from Saix," Roxas read out loud as Namine peeked at the note over his shoulder in curiosity. "P.S. You're mother is a big fat stupid bitch!" Roxas and Namine both recoiled in shock at Saix's insult. "Oh wait, there's more! It also says: P.S.S. There's also a song on the internet called that, just replce the name "Kyle" with "Axel" and I think you'll find that it's a very appropriate song..."

While Saix was infamous for his temper and cruelty, the insult seemed just…excessive, to put it mildly.

"NOBODY TALKS ABOUT MY MOTHER THAT WAY!!" Axel shrieked as he snatched the note form Roxas's hand and incinerated it in order to vent his anger. If Roxas and Namine didn't know better, they would have thought that The Flurry of Dancing Flames's hair had somehow turned into fire, much like a certain Greek god of the dead's did…

"Um, Axel, what are you doing?" Namine asked in a tone that was both nervous and fearful as the red head began to walk towards the door in order to leave the room.

"…I'm going to make him pay for getting me drunk like that…" Axel answered in a murderous tone. "I don't know how he did it, or what I was thinking when I decided to chug that vodka, but he'll wish he'd never been born after I'm through with him!"

Axel began spinning his twin chakrams like wheels as he cackled insanely, disturbing Roxas to the point where he was too shocked to even point out that Axel was now roaming the halls of the castle that never was in a maid's outfit. It was too late to do anything, Axel had already left, bent on making Saix suffer.

Both Namine and Roxas just stood in the room, unmoving, for about a minute and a half before they exchanged looks and then abruptly began to laugh their heads off.

"That…was…the…best…joke…EVER!" Roxas exclaimed in between laughs as he gasped for breathe and began to sink to the ground.

"Y-yeah!" Namine responded, as she too gasped for air and sank to the ground from her laughter. Before they could actually reach then floor, Roxas intertwined his arm with Namine's and helped support her, as she did the same with him.

"Thanks, Nam, I couldn't have done it without you!" Roxas said beaming.

Namine smiled and lowered her head in order to hide her blush at Roxas's praise. "Thanks, Roxas, but it was your idea…"

"No, seriously, if you hadn't erased Axel's memory of me knocking him out with oblivion and placing that empty vodka bottle next to him, then the whole thing would have fallen apart!"

"…Well, I'm glad I could help you, Roxas," Namine replied with a smile as she looked in the Key of Destiny's face as the two stepped away from each other, no longer requiring the support of the other in order to stand.

"Uh, yeah," Roxas replied with a hint of nervousness as he scratched the back of his head. "So, did you mange to get the drawings done?"

Namine suddenly giggled and grinned mischievously as she nodded. "Sure they're right here!" Namine walked over to a table in a dark and discreet corner of the room where she picked up her sketchpad and showed it to Roxas. "See?"

Sora's nobody recoiled with his eyes over his eyes as he let out a small squeak upon seeing the image that Namine had drawn. "Oh God…" he said as he peeked through his fingers to see the drawing once more. "How on earth did you draw them in that position?!"

The drawing that Namine had made while Axel was unconscious involved both him and Saix, clad in an identical maid suit. Siffice to say, the picture was unholy…. (A/N: There is no way in hell I'm going into detail!)

Namine giggled in reply. "I have my ways…"

"Well, let's go find a computer then!" Roxas said as he marched toward the door that Axel had used to leave the room earlier. "I hear that pictures of Saix and Axel are VERY popular on certain yaoi sites…"

Namine nodded as she began to follow Roxas, clutching her sketchpad close to her chest. "H-hey, Roxas?" she asked nervously, the previous amount of confidence she had shown after the prank had all evaporated.

"Yes, Nam?"

"Could we…do this again sometime?"

"Of course Nam!" Roxas replied cheerfully before adding in a slightly lower tone "Anything for you…"

* * *

Okay, it's a bit short, but hopefully you're rolling on the floor with laughter about now! I originally intended for this to be a oneshot, but if enough people like it or ask me to make more chapters, then I have a few more ideas in the dark ocean of humor that is my mind…

Please do me a favor and review! It's what keeps me going! (next to the energizer bunny of course!)


	2. Chapter 2: A Date to Remeber

Okay, guys, I just got back from a trip to the zoo today, so you might see where I'm getting the inspiration for this chapter…

On a side note, I'd like to thank Mooncry, Lazyafternooner, Luvablenerd, KeybladeAngel34, and Kit-Kat-Wafer for reviewing, I can't tell you guys how much it means! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts…yeah…stupid lawyers who'd sue my pants off…

* * *

"Um, Namine? When you asked me 'Can we do this again sometime' I thought you meant pull another prank, not go to the zoo," Roxas commented with slight hint of nervousness as he and Namine stood in a medium sized line in order to get their tickets. Roxas was dressed in his Twilight Town outfit since his organization robes would attract undue attention from the locals.

For some reason, someone walking about in a black robe that totally concealed their features was considered somewhat suspicious on this world…

"Oh…well, if you want to go back…" Namine replied sadly as her shoulders sagged, she had really been looking forward to this little trip.

"Wha-? N-no!" Roxas felt a pang of guilt as he saw how his words had hurt Namine. "I'm just surprised, that's all." Instantly Namine's mood seemed to brighten, much to Roxas's relief. He couldn't stand the idea of her being sad, especially if it was his fault for being careless with his words!

"…So, which animals do you want to see first?" Roxas asked as he and Namine slowly advanced toward the ticket booth. Just standing next to each other wasn't exactly the best way to spend an afternoon.

"Hmmm," Namine replied as she lifted her hand to her chin in thought. "How about the birds? They should be fun to draw!" Namine held her sketchpad up proudly as she said this. She never seemed leave it out of her sight…ever.

"That sounds great." Roxas replied as he fished his and Namine's munny out of his jacket's pocket. Not having any pockets in that white dress of Namine's meant that he had gotten to be the caretaker for both of them.

_'Doing anything with you is always great…'_ Roxas thought almost blissfully as he handed the cashier the required amount of munny in order to purchase two tickets.

While this idea of Namine's had caught Roxas off guard, that didn't mean that he wasn't going to have fun. It was the first time that he could truly be Roxas, not The Key of Destiny, around Namine….

"Ready?" he asked as extended his hand toward her, which Namine took gladly.

"Yeah…let's go."

* * *

"So, what exactly do you need me to do?" Demyx asked Axel as the redhead observed Roxas and Namine walking into the zoo for their little date…not that the two of them would really admit it was just that.

Axel turned to face Demyx with an almost demented look in his eyes. "Alright, you know those balloons I told you to bring?" Demyx nodded rapidly in response and held up a packet of red balloons to prove it. "Good, now I need you to fill them with water, and when Roxas and Namine stop within throwing range, I want you to pelt them both…especially Namine!"

"But, why?" Demyx asked shrugging.

"…Because of that prank they pulled…" Axel replied with a sigh as Demyx tried, and failed, to suppress a round of snickers. In short order, after he stormed out of the room, still clad in the maid's outfit, Axel had found Saix, and nearly beaten him to within an inch of his life, only to be stopped by Xemnas himself.

Both Saix and Axel were rebuked for the incident, though shortly after they were dismissed they both had heard a huge and uproarious amount of laughter from The Superior's office. They both had their separate ways of taking out their anger, not that they could feel anger or anything…right?

Saix had decided to spend his time massacring the local heartless population while Axel had decided to get revenge on the true perpetrators of his misery: Roxas and Namine. It wasn't until after the he had been rebuked by Xemnas that he realized the letter wasn't in Saix's handwriting…The Lunar Diver possessed all the elegance of a drunken rhino when it came to that one area!

It's a good thing that Axel was an accomplished pickpocket; otherwise he would never have been able to steal one of Saix's letters to his mother… (Or "Moogie" as he called her in the letters)

"Are you done yet?" Axel asked impatiently as soon as Demyx had finally stopped his snickering at the now-famous prank.

"Y-yeah,"

"Good, now I need you to pelt Roxas and Namine with the water balloons, especially Namine since she's wearing a white dress. Now, I'm sure you know what happens when white clothes get wet…Roxas can barely stop himself from blushing if he so much as touches Namine's hand, if he doesn't get a nosebleed from this then….Demyx, why are you looking at me like that?"

The Melodious Nocturne wore an expression of horror on his face as his hand covered his mouth, reinforcing his already "scared shitless" look. "Axel, you're not a pedophile, are you?!"

A pin drop could be heard as the two nobodies just stood there, staring at each other in shock.

"…Demyx, you are the sickest nobody in existence…and not in the good way."

"So, you mean you're not a pedophile?"

"NO, I'M NOT A FREAKING PEDOPHILE!!" Axel hollered in rage as Demyx jumped back in fright.

"Oh…just checking. Larxene would be pretty put off if you were…say, why did you want to make Namine's dress see-through again?"

Axel literally slapped his own face and slid his hand down it in exasperation; he couldn't believe that even Demyx would be this slow! Before he could even begin to explain again what his motivation was, a loud cough was heard by both members of Organization thirteen, someone wanted to get their attention.

"I think you two gentlemen need to come with me…" a security officer ordered as he tapped his foot, frowning at the two strange men he had found talking and yelling about stuff best left unmentioned…

* * *

Roxas felt utterly elated as he and Namine walked side by side through the zoo, each holding an ice cream cone. Naturally, the ice cream had cost twice the amount it would have if it were from a grocery store, but seeing Namine smile made it all worth it to Roxas.

"Hey, Roxas, I don't know about you, but my feet are getting sore," Namine said as she stopped. While Roxas had lost track of the amount of time the two had so far spent in the zoo, being around Namine tended to have that kind of effect on him, he did know that it had been quite awhile.

"Yeah, there's a bench right there," Roxas replied as he nodded, struggling to make sure he didn't blush, yet another effect Namine tended to have on him. He could face down a darkside heartless, take it head-on, and beat it with one keyblade tied behind hios back, and yet, the petite, blond, angel of a nobody was able to make his knees feel weak just by walking by or saying his name.

It was a good thing that Roxas's natural stoic nature made him a master at hiding such things.

"Um, Roxas?" Namine asked slowly and nervously as the two sat next to each other.

"Yes, Nam?" Roxas replied, inwardly raising an eyebrow at Namine's behavior. He wasn't quite sure whether to be nervous or curious…but thanks be to whatever force had given him the natural ability to take absolutely anything to the face and still be able to maintain his composure.

"I just wanted to say that I…I…" Namine seemed incredibly flustered and at a loss for words. Suddenly, before Roxas could react, the blonde haired nobody turned and planted a small kiss on his cheek. "…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…" Namine mumbled desperately as her cheeks turned a shade of scarlet.

Meanwhile Roxas was faring only slightly worse. He just sat there, dumbstruck as Namine muttered various apologies. He still couldn't believe what had just happened; Namine had KISSED him for crying out loud! Granted it was a quick one on the cheek, but a kiss was a kiss, especially when it came from Namine.

If Kairi's nobody had looked up at that moment she would have seen that Roxas was blushing too and with a somewhat dreamy expression on his face as well…

Apparently Sora's nobody could take ALMOST anything to the face and still keep his cool.

"I'll...I'll just leave now," Namine said as she got up from her spot on the bench, intending to put as much distance between herself and Roxas as possible. She had just kissed him! There was no way he'd ever forgive her for that. In fact she had probably just lost the one friend she had, all because she saw him in a different light than he saw her…

"Namine, wait!" Roxas cried out, as he shook himself free of his stupor. He reached out and grabbed her arm, causing her to spin around so that she was facing him. "Namine I…uh…I…" Roxas didn't know what to say.

Meanwhile, Namine kept her head down as Roxas searched for words. Of course, he was too kind to just let her run off and leave it at that. He would at least try to explain that he didn't like her in the same way…that kindness was what had attracted her to him in the first place, but now it was going to hurt her more than anything…

"Namine, look at me…" Roxas said gently as he placed his free hand underneath her chin and slowly raised her head so that she would be looking into his eyes. As much as Namine wanted to just jerk away, to force her head back down, she couldn't. This was Roxas, she couldn't help but listen to him…

Namine looked in Roxas's blue eyes as he looked at her red and newly-tear streaked face. To her surprise, Roxas slowly moved his face toward hers, and kissed her on the lips.

She stiffened in surprise at first, but almost immediately melted into it.

As the pair wrapped their arms around each other, they both felt a feelings of joy and elation that neither had ever felt before. Regardless of what Xemnas or anyone else said, they knew they had emotions…they could both feel two of the strongest ones in their hearts right now…

* * *

"I can't believe you're actually doing this…" Axel mumbled as Demyx crawled over the railing of the crocodile exhibit. The two of them had been released by the zoo's security on the grounds that there was no solid proof that Axel was indeed a pedophile.

They had been roughly thrown out of the zoo, only to use a corridor of darkness to "warp" back in as soon as no one was looking. Unfortunately, Roxas and Namine had moved away from the building that Axel and Demyx had been plotting on earlier. In the immense confines of the zoo, there was no hope of finding the pair.

Naturally, Axel, considering his short fuse, had blamed it all on Demyx that his master-prank had failed and gave him a choice: he could either get beaten to within an inch of his life by Axel, or try and urinate into the mouth of the biggest, meanest, and most vicious crocodile in the exhibit…

"H-here I g-go!" Demyx stuttered nervously as he approached the open mouth of the most monstrous crocodile he had ever seen. The Melodious Nocturne's head shifted from side to side as he undid his fly.

Axel watched with morbid curiosity as a stream of yellow water came from the zipper in Demyx's pants. He had been smart enough to block the view of anything…bad with his hands. Everything, to Axel's utter shock, seemed to be going well. The crocodile had yet to even shut its mouth in reaction to Demyx's unholy bodily fluid.

Suddenly, as quick as a lightening bolt, the reptile lunged forward. An agonized scream that Axel would have found funny if it wasn't for the sight before him erupted from Demyx's lips.

The Flurry of Dancing Flames had a suspicious feeling that it was going to be much harder to explain to Xemnas why Demyx was missing a certain part of his anatomy than it was for him to explain why he had been on top of Saix in a maid's outfit in the aftermath of Roxas and Namine's prank…

* * *

Okay, if you can read this, then this chapter didn't kill and/or blind you. Well, I added quite a bit more fluff and upped the…maturity level of the humor too, but I hope you'll think that these are improvements!

Please review and tell me what you think!

P.S. Now you know why Demyx isn't very aggressive!


	3. Chapter 3: The Beer Song

Notes: Okay, I'd just like to say that I'm glad that you guys like this story so much, and that I really didn't expect this many of my fellow Roxamine lovers to review! Anyway, thanks again!

I'm not quite sure if this chapter will be quite as funny as the others, but I did my best!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the…song that gets sung during a hilarious (in my opinion) event…

* * *

"So, you say that you and Demyx went to the zoo because you were bored?" Xemnas asked from his position on the highest throne in the meeting room in The Castle That Never Was.

Axel nodded in reply from his own throne. "Yeah, and then I jokingly suggested that he climb in with the crocodile to prove his manliness and then…."

"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard!" Marluxia hollered. Everyone in organization thirteen, with the exception of Demyx who was undergoing extensive surgery and therapy, had been summoned for this meeting. "You're obviously lying!"

"Hey, I don't have to take any lip from a freaking girl!" Axel shot back hotly. His insult was met with sniggers from everyone in the room except Xemnas, though the corners of his mouth twitched. It was a hobby of Axels, coming up with insults for everyone in the organization. He even had a few for mansex, er Xemnas, based on the fact that he and Saix regularly watched soap operas…together…alone…in Xemnas's room. What kind of sick satanic rituals went on in there where usually subject to Axel's perverse mind when he wasn't looking at the "magazines" that he kept underneath his bed….

Hey, nobodies have hormones too, you know!

"For the last time, asshole, it takes a real man to wear pink!" Marluxia was positively fuming. His hair was just about the only thing that could get him to show any kind of emotion…not that he had emotions…

Still, his hair was a subject of debate among the nobodies. They didn't know whether it was dyed that way, or if Marluxia got stuck with the curse of pink hair out of an unfortunate DNA anomaly. Axel, preferred to think that The Graceful Assassin (more like the graceful faggot in Axel's opinion) had it dyed…it was much easier to tease him that way!

"Enough," Xemnas snapped with a wave of his hand, instantly silencing everyone. "I have reached my decision…I hereby order all of you…to have fun…"

"WHAT?!" came the entire organization's reply. This was easily the most unorthodox order that Xemnas had ever given.

"I cannot have any of you crippling yourselves by blindly searching for something to entertain yourselves, therefore I order all of you to "take a break" as they say…and it can't be an activity that would be considered work or boring by normal peoples' standards…"

Both Zexion and Vexen snapped their fingers in frustration. Even they had enough social grace to know that reading a dictionary all day and blowing up test tubes weren't exactly the kinds of things that most people did for fun…

"That is all, you are dismissed…"

* * *

"Alright Axel, you got us into this mess and you're going to get us out of it!" Xigbar stated with a scowl as he pointed one of his guns in Axel's face. Everyone, except Saix and Roxas, had cornered Axel outside the meeting room. The Lunar Diver had run off, presumably to watch a soap opera or something, and Roxas already had an idea for a way to spend his free time.

"Yes, I agree…" Zexion chimed in as he glared furiously at Axel, who gulped.

"Actually, I have an idea…" Larxene purred, almost seductively.

"It has to involve all of us…you bitch…" Xaldin said, muttering the last bit in a low tone so that The Savage Nymph wouldn't hear it. With her, you couldn't tell if she was flirting or is she just wanted to stick a kunai up your ass…either way, since she was talking to Axel, The Whirlwind Lancer had a pretty good idea of what she had in mind…

Larxene rolled her eyes while Axel suddenly smirked when he came up with a brilliant idea…

While his attempt to get even with Roxas and Namine had failed miserably, he had a way to have enough fun to keep him satisfied until he could come up with a fool-proof method of getting his vengeance. "I have an idea!" he exclaimed, just to make sure he had everyone's undivided attention. "But Roxas can't come…he'll have to find something else to do.

"And why can't your best friend come?" Luxord asked suspiciously in his British accent. It was something Axel always envied, it's common knowledge that chicks dig British accents! (A/N: I wouldn't actually know this, and if you're a girl, don't take offense, I don't know anything about that kind of stuff!) "You're not planning a trick of some kind, are you?"

"YEAH!" Everyone, with the exception of Roxas, chipped in. They were smart enough to know that not even Demyx would be stupid enough to get his…part, eaten by a crocodile!

"He can't come because he's not old enough to drink…" Axel replied with a smirk. "That's right; I'm talking about a total piss up! Complete with wall to wall vomiting, bar fights, and Irish songs, nothing quite like 'em!"

Understanding suddenly dawned upon the rest of the organization as Roxas quietly slipped away. It would just give him a chance to hang out with Namine!

"…You can't be serious!" Vexen said after a rather awkward pause.

"I am!" Axel said proudly, he still wore his trademark smirk. "Come on, it'll be fun! No one's going to force you to get drunk, and it'll give you a chance to study the behavior of normal people, or whatever it is you can study during a drinking party!" Vexen suddenly paused in thought, and then nodded. Booyah! with him in the bag, the others would no doubt follow…

"All right, we're in!" Luxord finally said after a massive huddle.

"Yeah, but if you try anything funny…" Xaldin added as he pointed one of his many spears at Axel's neck. The redhead chuckled nervously as he gently moved the spear away from his neck.

If his plan was going to work, he'd just have to spike everyone's drinks…and risk getting drunk himself…still; it would all be worth it, especially if he could get them to sing his favorite song…

* * *

(five beers later…)

"Okay guys, anyone wanna' sing a song of mine?" Axel cried out in a slurred voice. He had been successful in spiking every one of the beers, but had lost track of his mug, which was the only one that wasn't spiked. In short, he was now just as drunk as everyone else in the room, which was conveniently shaped just like a bar!

A drunken chorus of "Yeah's, Huh's, and I think I wet myself's!" was the reply Axel received.

"Okay…it goes like this…"

* * *

(Five minutes worth of trying to teach a group of drunken nobodies how to sing in a chorus, while trying to stop Luxord from attempting to persuade people to play strip poker with him, later…)

"Okay, one two three…"

"_Oh, what is the malted liquor, what gets you drunker quiker, what comes in bottled or in cans?"_ Axel sang out in an incredibly quick voice, which was surprising considering how drunk he was about now…

_"BEER!"_ the rest of the organization sang out in concert, just like Axel had trained them to do. Lexaeus's voice was…interesting to hear…if everyone wasn't drunk they would have realized just why he never spoke. His voice was squeakier than Mickey's!

"_Can't get enough of it!"_

"_BEER"_

_"How I really love it!"_

_"BEER!"_

_"Oh, I can't get enough of it!"_

_"BEER!"_

_"Makes me think I'm a man!"_ Larxene suddenly sang before Axel could actually open his mouth. Being drunk, he just took it in stride, unable to even think about what The Savage Nymph had just sung…

_"BEER!"_

_"I could kiss and hug it!"_

_"BEER!"_

_"But I'd rather chug it!"_

_"BEER!"_

_"Fills my belly up to here!"_

_"BEER!"_

_"I could not refuse it!"_

_"BEER!"_

_"I could really use it!"_

_"BEER, BEER, BEEEEER!"_ Everyone except Axel sang as soon as he had finished that stanza.

_"Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!"_ the entire organization chanted together. It was hard to believe that they were really a bunch of heartless beings trying to rule the world when they were singing and dancing like they were now. Even Zexion and Vexen were unable to resist it!

_"I can't remember how much I have had!"_ Zexion sang while everyone else continued dancing drunkenly and hitting various object in the room in order to make music. _"I drank a twelve pack, with my dad!"_ A burp of epic proportions escaped the cloaked schemer's lips as soon as he finished his line.

_"Thaaat's my son, the drunken manly stud!"_ Xigbar snag as he wrapped his arm around Zexion in a fatherly gesture. "_I'm proud to be his bud!"_ a "hick" escaped his lips, showing the true extent of his drunkenness.

_"Here have some pretzels!"_ Zexion offered, still singing, as he held up a bag of the salty snacks. Where he had gotten them, nobody knew…

_"No, I'll call it quits…those things give me the shlits!"_ everyone burst out into laughter at Xigbar's clearly drunken response. He couldn't even swear properly anymore!

_"Drink it with your family; drink it with your friends! Drink 'till you're fat, you're stomach understands!"_

_"Beeeer is liquid bread, it's good for you! We like to drink 'till we spew…EW!"_ everyone cried out as Marluxia began to puke onto the floor. He just couldn't hold his liquor… _"Who cares if we get fat?"_

_"I'll drink to that!"_ Luxord put in just before the song could continue as his took a sip form his mug.

_"As we sing once more…"_ the organization began to sing the song all over again, unaware of the fact that Xemnas was standing at the door with a genuinely shocked and horified expression…

* * *

"Now can I see it?" Roxas begged, putting on puppy eyes in the process.

"Hmmmmm, no!" Namine giggled in reply after she pretended to seriously think about Roxas's question.

"Aw, you're no fun!"

"I'll let you see it in a minute…I'm not done yet!" Namine tuck her tongue out in concentration as she focused on her latest drawing. Roxas sighed and sat down on the bed in the room as he watched Namine draw. He always had had a bit of a crush on her, sometimes thinking about how cure she was before he snapped out of it, or when he looked over her shoulder to see her latest work of art only to blush whenever she turned her head, bringing it perilously close to his, in order to see who was standing behind her.

The zoo trip, obviously, hade changed their relationship quite a bit…and in Roxas's opinion, for the better. No one really cared about what they did as long as Roxas could do whatever mission Xemnas assigned to him and even those were rare as there were very rarely any heartless groups large enough to collect hearts from. Sending Roxas out after five heartless at a time just wasn't practical. Roxas sighed quietly in contentment; he really couldn't imagine his life any better.

Sure he didn't have a heart, but when he was around Namine, well, that seemed to change…it was enough for him…

"Well, if you won't allow me to see the picture…" Roxas said slyly as he walked up behind Namine, who shifted away from him in order to block his view of her drawing. "…then I'll just have to…TAKE IT!" Namine shrieked as Roxas made a grab for her sketch pad. She was just able to swat his hands away and quickly got out of her chair.

"Roxas!" she barked in an attempt to rebuke him, though a playful smile was creeping onto her face as a result of The Key of Destiny's playfulness. His smile was just as radiant as hers as he chased her in circles around the room. Namine let out playful shrieks of joy as Roxas nearly caught her several times.

They both resembled children at play, Namine tended to bring out Roxas's sweet and innocent side…he wasn't always dark and melancholy!

Roxas suddenly smirked as he slowed down just a bit and opened a dark door right in front of Namine. She yelped in surprise as she fell through it…and immediately exited out of another on that Roxas had opened, practically falling into his waiting arms. "I have you now!" he declared triumphantly as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

Namine felt the blood rush to her head, she was sure that her face and ears were a shade of pink about now.

"…Or should I say, I have your sketch pad now…?" Roxas added slyly as he suddenly leapt away from her, leaving her shocked and red-faced for a few, precious seconds.

"Y-you manipulated me?" Namine asked, with mock pain in her voice.

Catching on to her game, Roxas grinned and replied accordingly. "Yes, and now look what I have!" he waved Namine's sketch pad tauntingly in front of her face. Her only saving grace was that he had yet to actually see what she had been drawing…

"You heartless monster!" Namine was barely able to stop herself from laughing as she said this. To her, the idea of Roxas being that was as remote and unheard of as Axel not burning anything eh could get his hands on! "How could you just use me like that?!"

"Weeeell, I tend to mix business and pleasure, so I wasn't entirely using you…" Roxas replied as he shrugged with a smile. "…I really did enjoy that hug…" Namine looked down in a futile attempt to hide her blush. While their first kiss at the zoo had made them more open about their feelings toward each other, she still had trouble not blushing whenever Roxas flirted with her like this…

"Now, I get to claim my prize!" Roxas declared as he dramatically spun around and slowly began to slowly turn the sketchpad over in order to see just what Namine had been working on…

"Roxas!" Namine yelled as she tackled him from behind, knocking Sora's nobody onto the floor. "Give it back!" she demanded as she punched him in the back of the head, Roxas ahd landed on his stomach and she was more or less sitting on his back.

"Never!" Roxas shot back playfully as he tried to throw her off. Surprisingly, Namine was able to maintain her position and continued to punch him in the back of his head, all the while preventing him from seeing her drawing. "All, right all right, I surrender!" Roxas soon yelled after about two minutes worth of getting his head used as a punching bag.

She could hit surprisingly hard despite her appearance!

"Alright, hand it over!" Namine demanded with a playful grin as she extended her hand towards Roxas.

"Ah, ah, ah, not just yet!" The Key of Destiny replied with an equally playful grin as he hid the sketchpad behind his back.

"Wait, you said that you surrendered!"

"Yeah, that means that you won, but now we have to dictate the terms that seal the deal!"

Namine crossed her arms as she tried (and failed) to look as stern and implacable as she could. "Oh, and just what do you have in mind….?"

After making a mental note to himself that Namine looked cute when she was trying to appear angry (not that big a deal as Roxas thought she looked cute when she was in any mood), Roxas opened his mouth to speak his simple reply. "…Kiss me."

"What?!"

"You heard me, if you want this sketchpad back, you'll have to kiss me for it!" Despite his cheerful tone, Roxas was inwardly hurt and worried. Namine's response implied the idea of kissing him was revolting!

"Ugh, the things I have to do to get some peace around here!" Namine groaned in mock exasperation as she walked forward. Roxas's eyes widened as Namine planted her lips against his and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. He didn't think that she would actually do it!

Not to be outdone, Roxas wrapped his arms around her waist as he began to return, and sink into the kiss. If not for the fact that the kiss at the zoo was their first, this one would have easily surpassed it in the pair's memories. About thirty seconds they stood their, completely absorbed in each other's presence, before they finally broke apart.

Roxas stood there, dumbstruck, as Namine looked down for a brief second and then looked back up at him expectantly.

The sketchpad.

"O-oh, uh, r-right!" Roxas stuttered as he shook himself from his daze. It was his turn to be nervous now. He looked down as his face began to turn a shade of pink. He was embarrassed not only form the kiss, but also from fact that he couldn't seem to find the sketchpad!

He must have dropped it during the kiss…he had certainly been…occupied with a certain someone that he considered far more important…

Namine suddenly giggled at his search and then cough in order to get his attention. He looked up to see her waving her sketchpad in front of his face in a taunting manner much like the one he had used on her a little while ago. "Looking for this?" she asked slyly.

"What- how did you?!" suddenly it hit Roxas. She had put her hands around and behind him while his own her still behind his back. The sneaky blonde had taken it right from underneath his nose! "Y-you used me!" he cried out in mock horror and indignation, parodying Namine's earlier act.

She giggled in reply as she walked back over to her desk and chair. "…Well, not completely…I like to mix business and pleasure…"

Namine's sense of humor was just one of her more endearing traits…it was just one of many reasons that Roxas loved her more than anything else…

* * *

Okay, I'm not sure how I did on this one, but I found the idea of Organization 13 singing the beer song too hilarious to resist! Anyway, did I overdo the fluff or anything? I mean, I know that I may have screwed around with Roxas and Namine's personalities, but I always thought that Sora and Kairi had a mischievous side to them, so why not their nobodies?

Not to mention that being around each other tends to bring out the more lighthearted aspects of their personalities! R&R, please!


	4. Chapter 4: Something Fishy

Notes: Okay, I've kept you guys waiting for over a week, so here's the next chapter, I hope you like it! I don't think this chapter is quite on par with the others but I'll let you decide that!

* * *

"I now declare this court session…open!" Xemas declared as he slammed his gavel onto the wood of the desk he was sitting in. He, Axel, and Saix were all sitting in a court-like room. Xemnas occupied the judge's position and Saix formed the one man jury. The rest of the organization was still incapacitated from the hangovers they suffered because of Axel's brilliant idea to pass the time by having a total piss up of a party. "Before we begin the sentencing…I mean, trial, of Axel, I just need to ask him one thing…how are you able to stand while the rest of the organization, not counting Roxas who is too young for jury duty, is still unconscious?"

Axel shrugged sheepishly in reply; despite the fact that he was pretty much screwed given Saix's chances of acquitting him were zero. "Well, before I had my heart torn out by a passing heartless, I had quite a reputation for being able to drink unholy amounts of beer and be perfectly fine in about five minutes! Actually, I had a nephew that always called me Uncle Ale…Ven always was a good kid!" (A/N: This is just a nod to my other story; pay no attention to it if you're not reading it!)

"We didn't come here to hear about that nephew of yours, number eight…" Xemnas said as he held his head in his hands out of frustration. "We came here to solidify your sentence…"

"Wait, you haven't even found me guilty yet!"

Saix smirked when Axel said this; the time to get revenge on the pyromaniac had finally come! "Very well, I find that you're guilty on the grounds that every single member of our organization, not counting me, the superior, Roxas, and Demyx, is currently comatose…" Saix took a second to fully absorb and enjoy the look on Axel's face before he continued. "Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to sing a song regarding your mother…"

Axel suddenly looked downright murderous form where he stood while Xemnas shot Saix a curious look. While this was certainly a breach of discipline, he didn't order Saix to stop, a morbid curiosity held him back.

"This is all your mother's fault, she only gave birth to you because she's a big fat stupid bi-!"

"Don't say it, Saix!" Axel was barely able to stop himself from sprinting up to Saix and strangling the Lunar Diver himself.

_"WEEEEELLLL!!"_ Saix started as a wicked smirk wound itself across his face. He did have a surprisingly good singing voice….

"Don't do it Saix!" flames began to wind their way down Axel's arms as he strolled to not to blow up the entire room.

"_WEEEEELLLL!!"_ Saix started again, his smirk was even smugger.

"I'm warning you!" Axel's chakrams had materialized into his hands. They were already on fire and were spinning in circles. They would be like chainsaws on fire if they came into contact with the Lunar Diver's skin…

"_WEEEEELLL, Axel's mom is a bi-!"_

"ENOUGH!!" Xemans roared, instantly silencing the two nobodies. "We unwittingly did a South Park joke in the last chapter. The readers will hate us if we keep recycling the same joke over and over! So no more South Park songs…the readers won't like them, and if they don't like the jokes then they'll stop reviewing, and when they stop reviewing, our favorite author on the internet (A/N: That's me!!) won't continue this story, and if he doesn't continue this story, then our current incarnations will be stuck in limbo…which is kinda bad!"

Both Saix and Axel exchanged looks of mild confusion and would have had anime sweat drops coming out of their heads if they were in an anime. Xemnas could get a little weird when he got emotional, not that he actually had emotions.

"Great, so lets just skip to the part where you guys sentence me to…whatever it was you were supposed to sentence me to…I haven't been able to read the script to this chapter since we already just broke the fourth wall back in that last paragraph so we can't do it again in this chapter…goddammit!" Axel slapped his forehead when he realized that he had broken the fourth wall…again. "Just sentence me already…"

"Very well, since you seem to cause pain and misery wherever you go, I hereby declare that you can not leave The World That Never Was unless you're in the company of another organization member…the only exception to that rule is Larxene." It didn't take a genius to know that leaving Axel and Larxene alone together was the height of folly!

Axel stood there, dumbstruck, for five seconds before he nodded and calmly left the room. A chorus of "goddamits" was heard just outside the door.

"So, Saix, now that this section is coming to a close in this chapter, would you mind telling me the lyrics to that song?"

"Gladly, sir, gladly….."

* * *

Axel stormed through the halls of the castle that never was, practically fuming. What as he supposed to do now? All the rest of the organization was incapacitated or unwilling to come with him on an outing ever since they had heard about what he did to Demyx, what the hell was he supposed to do for fun now?

Suddenly, The Flurry of Dancing Flames heard footsteps coming from down the hall. Out of curiosity, Axel hid behind on of the corners of the hall, and sunk a peak at who was walking. He grinned when he saw who it was. Roxas and Namine were walking side by side, with Roxas holding what appeared to be a list of some sort in one hand and a pencil in the other.

"Okay, markers, paint, some extra paper, and a few more pencils. Is there anything else?" Axel heard the Key of Destiny ask as he and Namine slowly walked in his direction.

"Uh, no, I think that's it!" Namine replied brightly. "Hey, Roxas, I'm sorry if I'm being a burden…you really don't have to do this…"

"You're not being a burden!" Roxas shot back. "I'm glad to help…besides, it's not like I have anything else to spend the munny I get off heartless on!"

"I know…" Namine was clearly nervous about something. "I just…" Roxas rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Namine's shoulder.

"Seriously, it's no big deal…the food here really gets old here after awhile." They both exchanged looks and burst out into laughter, with Axel quietly snickering to himself from the inside joke. The food on The World That Never Was was sub-par to put it mildly. All of the Organization members kept their own private stocks which they usually acquired from other worlds…the method of acquiring differing from member to member.

Roxas's joke was simply poking fun at how no one was willing to eat the gravy-like substance that Xemnas tried to cook when he first started the organization. It was ancient, if not fossilized!

"Saaaay, Roxas buddy…" Axel started as he surprised the blonde pair by emerging from his hiding spot. "I can't leave this place unless someone is there to guard me, and if you're leaving, then can I come with you?" Axel smirked as he said this. It was easy for him to figure out what Roxas and Namine were planning.

While they were undoubtedly planning to get art supplies for Namine, from the sound of things, they were also going to take the chance to get something to eat. It was lunch time after all!

"What, Axel? But we…" Roxas had yet to recover from his surprise.

"What's wrong, Roxas?" Axel's smirk widened as his words left his mouth. "It's not like the two of you were going to do anything bad that you wouldn't want me to see…right?" Roxas and Namine both blushed as they looked down at the ground, prompting Axel to smirk. While they were both too innocent to actually plot anything like that, it didn't mean that he couldn't tease the pair in order to get his revenge for the prank they pulled on him only a few days ago.

"Great, then there's nothing wrong with me coming!"

* * *

Roxas moaned as he rested his head against the table that he and Namine were sitting at in the restaurant of their choosing. Axel had been embarrassing them during the entire trip by not only poking fun at their relationship, but also by shamelessly flirting with every cute girl around his age… "cute" being a relative term…and "girl" as well since Axel was a full grown man and not a pedophile!

"Roxas…are you alright?" Namine asked concernedly. She was as embarrassed and annoyed with Axel as Roxas, but she did have her replacement art supplies now, so she did have some comfort, unlike Roxas…

"Ugh, yeah I'm fine!" Roxas replied as he raised his head to look up at Namine. He smiled weakly in an attempt to prove his point, but only succeeded in worrying her more. "It's just…Axel…" As if in response to his words, the pyromaniac began strutting out of the bathroom and towards their table.

Axel was wearing a pair of khaki jeans, and a red T-shirt in order to more or less fit in with the inhabitants of Twilight Town, the world that Roxas and Namine chose to go to.

"Phew, sorry about that, I was just taking the biggest crap ever!" Axel inwardly took joy in Namine and Roxas's expressions as he said this. His revenge was even sweater than he had imagined! "Seriously, it was huge! I mean, could've stuffed a turkey with it!"

"Axel, shut up!" Roxas yelled in a display of rage as he jumped out of his chair, just barely suppressing the urge to summon his keyblades. "You're making Namine sick!" While Namine did indeed look like she was going to hurl due to the images Axel put into her head that made her food seem uneatable, a degree of her ire was stemming from the fact that Roxas's yelling had just attracted everyone who wasn't already disgusted with Axel to their little argument.

The good news was that they were all glaring at Axel, not Roxas. "Whoa hey, chill out!" the redhead cried out as he took several steps away from The Key of Destiny. Roxas could beat him even if he wasn't angry, Axel really didn't want to picture what would happen if Roxas summoned oathkeeper and oblivion… "Er…I have to go to the bathroom…again!!"

Roxas's face returned to its usual expression as he sat back down in his chair, laying his head upon the table in exhaustion. He didn't know if Axel was doing this as a kind of revenge for the prank he and Namine had pulled on him, but the redhead had pretty much ruined this outing…it didn't help that Roxas now had a headache from having to put up with Axel.

He suddenly felt a somewhat soothing pressure on his shoulders and looked up to see Namine attempting to give him one of those shoulder rubbing massages that people on TV do a lot to keep the stress off…the key word being "attempting".

It's the thought that counts you know!

"Thanks Nam…" Roxas muttered. While the massage wasn't exactly the best, due to Namine's obvious lack of experience, when it came to this kind of thing, but it was soothing nonetheless. Namine simply nodded in response. "Wait…I've got it…a plan to get Axel off our backs!" Namine tilted her head sideways in confusion at Roxas's words. Her confused face soon changed to one of glee as she giggled to herself after Roxas whispered his plan to her.

"Let's do it!" Namine said after she managed to stop giggling at the poetic justice of Roxas's idea.

"Yeah…" Roxas and Namien both got up and walked up to the owner of the relatively small restaurant, chubby, but kind faced man, and whispered something to him. He nodded in reply and moved next to their old table with a glint in his eye. Roxas and Namaine both left the restaurant, without paying for their food, snickering.

Soon enough, Axel came out of the bathroom when he was sure that Roxas had calmed down. He went up to the table to find the owner of the restaurant waiting for him with his arms crossed. "Ah there you are," he started "I believe that you need to pay your bill…"

"Huh, what?!" Axel exclaimed as he looked around for Roxas and Namine. He'd been set up! They were leaving him to pay the bill…and he happened to not have any munny on him…

"You heard me, you can either pay your bill or wash dishes until your dept is paid…"

Axel snorted in reply, his rebellious side emerging. "And just what'll you do if I decide not to wash dishes, huh, pops?"

The manager raised an eyebrow in reply. "Bruno!" Axel could have sworn that the ground beneath his feet shook as a huge giant of a man walked up behind him. The guy could be Lexeaus's brother for crying out loud! "Bruno, this is the man who drove off half of our customers with his potty mouth…he's refusing to pay…"

The bear of a man growled and firmly pressed his hands down upon Axel's shoulders, immobilizing him. "Eheheehe…can we, uh, talk about this?"

"Yes…scrubbing clockwise is the best way to clean the dishes…welcome to the club…" The manager wore a grin as he handed Axle a rag to clean with. Axel's ruining of Roxas's and Namine's technical date hadn't exactly made a very good impression on him.

"…Right now, I hate my life more than I hate water…"

* * *

Roxas and Namine sat on the clock tower that overlooked the main square of Twilight Town. It was one of Roxas's favorite places to just hang out…but right now, it was where he and Namine would truly get even with Axel…maybe even scare him into never even thinking of pulling another prank again! Roxas gently nudged Namine, who had placed her head on his shoulder with her eyes shut.

"Namine, he's coming!" Kairi's nobody moaned a bit before she sleepily rubbed some life back into her eyes. While Roxas did feel a little guilty for waking her up, it was quickly overcome by a sense of smugness as he saw Axel stumble towards the tower. Roxas and Namine had anticipated that he would manage to escape from the restaurant before too long, which was why they had even bother to prepare this little prank.

"Very funny you two…" Axel darkly stated as he walked out of a dark door next to where Namine and Roxas were sitting side by side.

"Well you what did you expect?" Namine asked as she grinned slyly in reply. "You're the one who thought it was a good idea to try and get everyone in there to puke!" Axel scowled in reply, he couldn't beat Namine's logic.

"Yeah…so what have you two lovebirds been doing while I was away?" Axel winked suggestively in an attempt to get a rise out of the two.

"We've just been sitting here…you know, taking in the view…" Roxas replied without a hint of shame as Namine nodded in affirmation.

"…Oh…" was all Axel said as he inwardly scowled. His entire plan was falling apart! It was then when The Flurry of The Dancing Flames noticed there was some room between Roxas and Namine…not much, but enough. Say, you won't mind if I just kinda plop down right here?" Namine let out a grunt of protest as she hit Axel's shoulder with her sketchpad, but the older nobody merely shrugged it off.

"Alright, Axel, you win…" Roxas sighed in a resigned tone. Axle grinned and nodded while mentally patting himself on the back.

"…We hope you like your prize!" Axel's eyes widened as he felt both Namine and Roxas shove him off the clock tower as soon as Namine had finished. He couldn't help it, Axel let out a scream as he fell, and he couldn't open a dark door in mid-air. To his relief, he landed on something that felt soft and yet…wet…

Axel groaned as he shifted, he was too disoriented to realize what he had landed in. He suddenly felt something poking him in the side as he shifted. Axel reached down and felt something scaly. A revelation dawned upon Axel…wet and scaly…there was only one thing that that could mean…

"A FISH CART?!" Axel yelled as he held up the offending halibut that had been poking him in the side. Axel began to feel a wave of dizziness in his head as the world began to spin around him. To make things worse, he suddenly heard Roxas and Namine laughing their heads off…he must have looked utterly ridiculous…

"Roxas…I'm going to…to…" Axel was interrupted when Namine suddenly forced one of the countless fish into his mouth, effectively gagging him. Her laughter did little to soothe his shame…this was the second time the blonde couple had set him up! How was he supposed to know that they would have moved a fish cart where they had been planning to shove him off the clock tower?!

The last thing Axel saw before he blacked out, was Roxas and Namine literally having to support each other in order to stop themselves from falling to the ground with laughter…that and Namaine reaching for her sketchpad with a mischievous expression on her face.

Axel's fan girls would be VERY happy with the picture she was about to produce…especially after the artistic nobody had taken some…artistic license in regard to Axel's position…the phrase "fish rape" sprang to mind in Namine's vengeful mind.

Nobody screwed with her and Roxas, especially when they were on a date, without being severly punished...

* * *

Okay, I know that this wasn't as good as the other chapters, but it's better than nothing, right? I'm sure I'll come up with another idea fairly soon…sorry if this one was a disappointment due to the lack of fluff and good humor!

R&R please!


End file.
